How to Reach Out to Anyone (Even If You're Terrified)
- 21 hours ago
- 5 min read
The common ground framework that actually works—from someone who's done it hundreds of times.
By Emily McSherry, Founder & CEO
On The Stroke It Guide Podcast, I told host Jenny Alday Townsend a story that surprised her:
I asked one of our student interns what networking was. They had no idea.
So I pulled up my LinkedIn and said: "Name a company."
They started listing random companies: Snap Inc.. Microsoft. Salesforce.
For every company they named, I knew 1-3+ people who worked there.
Not because I'm special. Because I'd been building relationships with people I worked with, went to school with, and connected with over the years.
That intern realized: "Oh, you met that person 10 years ago, and now you could reconnect with them to actually help you."
Networking isn't magic. It's a skill. And here's how it actually works.
The Problem: Most People (Especially Students) Are Terrified to Reach Out
Here's what makes networking feel impossible:
"I don't know what to say." "I'll waste their time." "What if they ignore me?" "What if I sound stupid?" "What can I offer them? I feel uncomfortable asking for help."
These aren't irrational fears. They're real barriers.
And here's what makes it worse: most people are reaching out cold, with no preparation, asking vague questions, and hoping for the best.
That's why networking fails. Not because people don't want to help—but because the approach is broken.
Step 1: Do Your Homework (So You're Not Reaching Out Blind)
Before you reach out to anyone, give yourself a baseline.
Watch professionals in that field talk about their work (for free on Advize). Understand what they do day-to-day. See what challenges they face. Notice what questions keep coming up.
This does three things:
Builds confidence - You're not going in completely blind
Shows respect - You've done your homework before asking for their time
Creates better questions - You can ask follow-ups and dig deeper, not just cover basics they've answered a hundred times
For example: Instead of asking "What do you do every day?" (which feels generic), you can say:
"I watched several marketing professionals talk about their roles, and they all mentioned data analysis as critical. Can you tell me more about how you specifically use data in your work?"
That question shows you've done research. It's specific. It respects their time. And it gets you a much better answer.
This is one reason why I built Advize—to give people that baseline before they reach out. Students can watch professionals answer the same questions across industries and roles, then reach out prepared while feeling more confident.
Step 2: Find Common Ground + Make a Specific Ask
On the podcast, I told Jenny something I learned in sales that changed everything:
"People really like to connect with people when they have something in common."
It can be little. It can be big. But finding that common ground makes the difference between getting ignored and getting a response.
The easiest common ground? Alumni connections.
If you went to the same school, lead with that. Professionals see a younger version of themselves and want to help.
But it works with other connections too:
You both worked at the same company (even years apart)
You're both in the same industry
You both grew up in the same area
You have a mutual connection who can introduce you
Then make a specific ask.
Don't say: "Can we talk sometime?"
Say: "Can we talk for 20 minutes about your career path in marketing?"
Specificity makes it easier for them to say yes.
They know what you want. They know how much time it takes. They can decide quickly instead of wondering what you're really asking for.
Step 3: Reach Out (Even When You're Not Ready)
Here's the truth I shared on the podcast about taking action:
"Even if it's the wrong action, you get some feedback of some kind. But if you don't do anything, you're not gonna get any closer to anything, and you're just gonna feel worse."
Most people wait until they feel "ready" to reach out.
You'll never feel ready. Do it anyway.
Sample LinkedIn message:
"Hi [Name], I'm a [student/young professional] at [your school/company]. I found your profile through the [alumni network/mutual connection], and I'm really interested in [their field].
I recently learned about [specific thing from your research], and I'd like to hear more about your experience in this area.
I'd like to schedule a brief 20-minute call with you to talk about your career path.
How does [Friday morning] work for you?
I would greatly appreciate your advice!"
What makes this work:
Common ground (alumni/mutual connection)
Shows you did research (specific thing)
Specific ask (20 minutes, career path)
Respects their time (work around their schedule)
Step 4: Follow Up (This Is Where Most People Fail)
If they don't respond in a week, follow up once.
Sample follow-up:
"Hi [Name], following up on my message. I'd still appreciate hearing your advice and experience in [field]. How does this coming [Friday morning] work? Happy to accommodate your schedule."
I would try one more time a few days later with a short message...then let it go. If they don't respond to the follow-up, move on to the next person (part of this is a volume game, too).
And if they DO respond and you have the conversation?
Send a thank you within 24 hours. Connect with them on LinkedIn. Reference something specific they said. And stay in touch—not just when you need something (LinkedIn, sending holiday notes, and staying in touch on social media are low-hanging fruit).
Why This Actually Works
When I started Advize, we had zero videos on our platform! I reached out to people I knew from work, from school, and from random connections over the years.
I said: "Hey [Name] hope you've been well! I started this company in business school as my capstone thesis to help students learn about careers. Do you have 30 minutes to interview on Zoom and share your story? Here is more info (link) and happy to answer any questions."
People signed up immediately. Just to help me.
Because I:
Had common ground (we worked together, went to school together)
Made a specific ask (30 minutes, interview for a school project)
Showed I valued their time (made it easy to say yes or no)
That's how we got our first 200 interviews and ~2,500 videos. Not through cold outreach. Through relationships built over years—and activated with a clear, respectful ask.
Listen to the Full Conversation
On the podcast, Jenny and I talked about:
Why students hesitate to reach out (and how shared connections make it easier)
The power of making a clear, specific ask
How networking compounds over time (one conversation leads to three referrals)
Why action builds confidence faster than preparation
Learn more at www.advizehub.com
